when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
