those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
