remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
