the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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