Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
