Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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