So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
