No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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