we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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