Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
