Porn is love you can see.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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