I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
