I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
