Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
