I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
