you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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