There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
