I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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