dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
