Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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