I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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