hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
