I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
