You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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