3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
