So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Two words: nipple clamps
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