She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
