she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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