I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
