Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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