I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
