had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
