Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
