so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
