i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How external is "for external use only"?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
