We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
