We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
