Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
