New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want you more than these girls want KFC
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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