Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
