How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
