Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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