i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I just sharted jello shots
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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