My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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