i barfeds in our rink
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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