What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
