the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
