is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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