Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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