i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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