Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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