I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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