allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
