I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
