tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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