Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
