I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
