I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
