wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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