how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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