so explain again why im purple
no
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
