Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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