Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
