Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
