Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
