She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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