Im at strip club and am horny
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
