Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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