Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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