So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
