Need sex. Gaining weight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
