On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
